“april fool” day four

This piece is a part of my “april fool” series I’m posting throughout the month of April. if you’re confused, you can check out the preface here.

I’m just going to say that this piece is *mostly* unfinished, but I still wanted to get it out today, even though it feels scary & weird. don’t be surprised if I revisit this one later, but don’t be surprised if this piece dies here either.

ghost girl

by emma lai

Driving into my hometown makes me feel like I’m entering a time warp. The traffic on Daniels Parkway is always the same (hellish), & despite a few new housing developments that always seem to be popping up, I feel like I’m driving right back into high school.

My parents have left my childhood bedroom (mostly) intact, & I wonder if it ever won’t feel like my life before I left is just frozen in time there.

I often feel so distant from the girl I was when I lived there, but then I go back & she’s right there. I feel like I’ve seen a ghost.

I feel a similar way when I see older pictures of myself. For better or worse, I don’t always feel like I recognize the girl who is me. 

I feel like I’m always changing. I change my mind. I change my hair. I’m always growing & learning & forgetting & remembering.

So when I go back to my hometown, sometimes it just seems like a lot. 

I’m trying to learn to make peace with the ghosts. 

I’m trying to remember that she did the best she could with where she was & what she knew at the time.